Dealing with Close Encounters

A Local Council Initiative

Do not depart from your daily routine. If that happens the aliens win.

But be prepared.

When encountering aliens, whether in a highway incident or alone in the woods on a moonless night, remember the three point plan:

• Freeze
• Freak
• Fumble

It is vital to abandon any pretence of emotional detachment or competence. Aliens are overwhelmingly weird, and nothing you know about life on Earth can prepare you to deal with them.

You may be tempted to evaluate strategies for fight or flight. This is fruitless. Aliens will not do anything predictable.

Freeze

Your first response is to become immobilized with terror. This gives the aliens time to do suspenseful things with their technology and awkward other-worldly limbs.

Freak

Next, scream, gibber, howl, drool, and otherwise vocalize and act out your powerlessness and inadequacy in the face of the unknown. The aliens will avail themselves of the opportunity to remain emotionless at this display, their botoxed latex features barely registering attention, reinforcing their inhuman nature.

Fumble

Finally, make a desperate, clumsy attempt to escape. Perhaps juggle a weapon ineffectually, trip over your feet, fall on your face in mud or some other humiliating substance. Do not put too much distance between yourselves and the emissaries from another planet, as only a small amount of time can be allocated for your part in this historically unprecedented incident. When the aliens advance threateningly toward you, hold an expression of mind-numbed horror for the full length of the fade to black.

Your participation and cooperation are essential to establish the character and intentions of the aliens, and to mobilize the forces of resistance.

Thank you.